How to Calm Down a Fight

Relationships and marriage are not perfect, no matter how hard we try, there will likely be the occasional fight. Fighting every now and again can be somewhat healthy for relationships because when you fight you get some insight into how this person problem solves. You also get the opportunity to humble yourself afterward and make-up. However, fights can escalate out of control very quickly. If you do not learn how to calm down a fight, it can lead to a very negative experience. It can create hurtful and harmful feelings, it can lead to physical or emotional abuse, and can be irreversibly damaging to a relationship.

So, how do you calm down a fight before it goes too far?

The answer to this depends a lot on the personalities of the two engaged in the fight. For some a verbal reminder to calm down will do wonders, while for others this is like throwing gas on an already wild fire.
Let's take a look at some general methods for how to calm down a fight:
Calming down a fight, starts with you, you can't calm someone else down if you are raging inside:

1. If you decide you want to calm down a fight, start with yourself, bring your voice back to normal levels, whisper if you have to. It is really hard to fight when you are whispering.


2. Take some deep breaths, and a step back. This usually helps you clear your mind for a moment so that you remember the big picture (that you love each other) and you forget about whatever it is that started the fight in the first place.


3. Touch is another great way to calm down a fight. If your spouse or partner is upset, sometimes a simple touch of your hand can calm them down. So, lay your hand on their arm, take their hand, or pat their back. When doing this be careful not to act aggressive, or as though you are restraining them, this might infuriate someone further. So, pat the top of the arm, not the forearm, etc.


4. Take a break from it. If the fight is starting to get out of control, take a break from it. Sometimes time is the best way to calm something down. Do not storm out of the house, or slam the door behind you, but expressing the need to distance yourself for a time, and calmly walking to the car, or to another room can often help.


5. Sit down. Often times a less aggressive stance is a great way to calm down a fight. If you are standing, yelling is easier, and more powerful, so sit on the floor, the couch, the bed, or whatever is nearby, this puts you in a more prone position, and allows your body to dispel some of the aggression it is feeling.


6. Evaluate. One of the best ways to calm down a fight is to stop and recognize what started the fight, and whether or not you have resolved that issue, or moved to a tangent. Sometimes a course correction is the best way to calm things down as it gets you back on track, and often helps you realize just how silly the fight is.

No matter who you are, or what the fight is about, if you feel yourself losing control, if you let rage take over your emotions, or if all you want to do is scream or cry, then you know that you need to take some steps to calm down the fight. There are natural ways to help your body (which reacts to your feelings) calm down. Lying on the floor is one way, taking deep breaths, etc. Your physiological responses to your emotions can escalate out of control, so if you find you can't keep your emotions in check, use physical response to help combat the physiological.